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Post by michaelsmoker on Dec 16, 2010 11:21:29 GMT -5
Let me just say that _I_ personally don't like arguments. If others like them, that's fine. They can engage in all the combativeness they want, and enjoy it as much as they want, as long as I'm left out of it. In future I'll be more careful about what posts I reply to.
Michael
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Post by sciatrix on Dec 17, 2010 14:45:21 GMT -5
So... awesome, you're just going to refuse to justify your comments and attempt to hide if someone disagrees with you.
I can get not liking conflict, dude. What I can't get is a fundamental disinterest in engaging with criticism on any grounds, and that is what I'm reading off of you. I don't care if you don't want to argue with me--what I care about is whether you're willing to listen to what I say. And if you don't explain your positions, and if I say "this stuff is actually seriously detrimental to activist work" and then I see you coming into a space I hang out in and basically saying the same damn thing without any consideration of what I've said, I'm not reading "conflict-averse." I'm reading "not interested in engaging in anything that might be even a little bit scary to deal with."
It seems very much to me as though what you want is a space to say whatever comes through your head and not have to worry about people challenging you on that. I don't know what your experiences on AVEN were, and frankly I don't know you as a person. But you should probably know that if you say something I disagree with, I'm going to let you know, whether or not you personally like arguments. And I'm not going to be put off by vague threats about the ToS or "ruining the nice board." The sad thing is, if you were looking to avoid anger, AVEN was probably the better bet.
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Post by ocelotofdoom on Dec 18, 2010 5:02:16 GMT -5
My view here is much the same as YHBDYL and Sciatrix's. There is a difference between legitimate anger due to being repeatedly told by the majority of people- by the culture itself in fact - that you are somehow invalid or less, and jumping down someone's throat over honest misconceptions that an individual is willing to correct once they know more. In all honesty, I've seen the latter happen a few times. However, I've seen it happen far less than the amount of times that I've been or seen someone be told not to be too angry or confrontational for yet another person at least showing large amounts of privilege if not being actually offensive. I also dispute the idea that one cannot be calm, rational and polite while still being angry and acting in a way that reflects that, but that's another post.
Also, from my experience both with being disabled and with being asexual, I would agree that someone who is "well-meaning" can be a lot worse to deal with than someone who is outright confrontational. I'd much rather deal with someone who will openly admit to hating me and people like me than dealing with someone who will say that they just want for me what's For My Own Good. Both a person who dislikes me for what I am and a person who would have me change For My Own Good ultimately want the same thing - that I no longer exist as all that is me. It's just that I'm (at least sometimes) perceived as being in the right for fighting back against the one and not the other. Because of this, people who, for instance, say "You shouldn't close your options off - you're really young and haven't found the right person yet, and you can't know if you like sex until you've tried it!" bother me a lot more than the people who say things along the lines of "Lol, look at those pathetic asexuals forming their own identity group about not having sex!", and it's more important to correct and impress the importance of the correction upon the former as a result.
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Post by you*hear*but*do*you*listen on Dec 18, 2010 22:34:52 GMT -5
I'd much rather deal with someone who will openly admit to hating me and people like me than dealing with someone who will say that they just want for me what's For My Own Good. Both a person who dislikes me for what I am and a person who would have me change For My Own Good ultimately want the same thing - that I no longer exist as all that is me. It's just that I'm (at least sometimes) perceived as being in the right for fighting back against the one and not the other. Because of this, people who, for instance, say "You shouldn't close your options off - you're really young and haven't found the right person yet, and you can't know if you like sex until you've tried it!" bother me a lot more than the people who say things along the lines of "Lol, look at those pathetic asexuals forming their own identity group about not having sex!", and it's more important to correct and impress the importance of the correction upon the former as a result. HELL TO THE YES.
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