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Post by michaelsmoker on Dec 11, 2010 20:36:26 GMT -5
I posted about this on AVEN and got ripped a new butthole by several people. One told me I was a psychopath and suggested that I commit violent crimes. So I'm hoping I get a more reasonable response here.
Briefly, the only living, dead or lifeless thing that I have ever loved is my late cat, Vivian. I have never felt love for any human, including my parents. Of course I'm aromantic, but I figure there are more kinds of love than just romantic love, so I need a broader term. Unless someone knows what the established term is, I've coined "anamorous" for now.
Do people really think I must be a psychopath because I don't feel love for other humans? I mean, I _care_ about some people, and even care deeply about a few. I want them to feel good and do nice things for them and enjoy it when they benefit, because _they_ benefit. I do have feelings and frequently get quite emo (although that might be caused by a low tolerance for stress). But that's not love. I just don't love people.
What am I?
Michael
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Post by you*hear*but*do*you*listen on Dec 11, 2010 22:25:54 GMT -5
Okay...what you're describing doesn't sound like psychopathy (really, "sociopathy" would make more sense, but what you're describing isn't that either, so whoever called you a psychopath hasn't any bloody clue what they're talking about). I have a very good friend who sounds very much like you. She has feelings and cares about people, but rarely does she experience what the would call "love". (She's also aromantic.) She's told me that I'm one of the few people she has ever actually loved. She does love her cat, though.
As far as "what are you", "anamorous" sounds like a perfectly fine way to describe it. Not to mention you can lack such a powerful feeling as love for humans without actively hating humankind or some such stupid thing.
I'd also like to point out that I tend to unconditionally love cats, and am much more likely to love a cat than a human.
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siggy
New Member
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Post by siggy on Dec 11, 2010 22:47:02 GMT -5
I posted about this on AVEN and got ripped a new butthole by several people. One told me I was a psychopath and suggested that I commit violent crimes. So I'm hoping I get a more reasonable response here. Michael, I saw that thread, and I'm pretty sure that's not what happened. What happened was you started describing a hypothetical person who feels no love, and neglected to make it clear that you were talking about your own experiences. For all people knew, you were talking about a stereotype that someone had pinned on you, and you were fishing around for negative reactions. Which is not to say that people weren't being hurtful, or that they couldn't have handled it any better. Do people really think I must be a psychopath because I don't feel love for other humans? I mean, I _care_ about some people, and even care deeply about a few. I want them to feel good and do nice things for them and enjoy it when they benefit, because _they_ benefit. I do have feelings and frequently get quite emo (although that might be caused by a low tolerance for stress). But that's not love. I just don't love people. Don't you think that depends on your definition of love? One of the standard pieces of aromantic rhetoric is that aromantics still love people, just in non-romantic ways. In part, this is a broadening of the definition of "love". For example, to "care deeply" about people, and to "want them to feel good and do nice things for them and enjoy it when they benefit", these might be called love. The unfortunate side-effect of this rhetoric is that it furthers the glorification of love. What if there are aromantics out there who really don't feel like their experiences should be described as "love"? They either have to adopt the common rhetoric, or be left in the cold. |
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Post by michaelsmoker on Dec 12, 2010 5:38:02 GMT -5
Love, to me, has one essential element: going against your own interests for someone else's benefit. Parents do that with their kids, cat people do that with our cats, and romantic lovers do that with their beloved. I just don't do that kind of thing and never have--even though my sense of my interests isn't as keen as most people's and I'm not as unthinkingly devoted to personal advantage as the bulk of the people I've dealt with have appeared to be.
I don't know whether this crucial aspect of love is based on identifying another person with yourself and mistaking them for yourself in some crucial fashion, so that all the self-serving instincts a living creature has become directed toward them rather than toward you. It's too deep a subject for someone like me, because I don't have enough education in psychology. Safe to say that I don't do that, tho.
Caring, especially the way do, involves always being aware that the other person is _not_ me and valuing them all the more for it.
Hope this little segue doesn't lead to thread creep. I thought it was important to address the definition of love so people can have a clearer idea of what I'm talking about.
Michael
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Post by welp on Oct 21, 2015 14:15:04 GMT -5
Uh...well, I think I'm kind of like that too.
Love...feels like such a heavy word to me. It's like I'm living inside my own personal bubble, and I just drift off and observe people from a distance. In other words, I'm just self-centered. My bonds with other people aren't that strong; none of them are important to me. If one of my family or friends die, well, I'd cry, but at the end of the day whether they're there or not doesn't really matter. I love being alone. Other people just suck all the energy out of me. I see love as attachment, dependency and need. Relationships and bonds might connect other people, but I actually feel free without them.
I'd call myself detached and maybe even apathetic, but that doesn't mean I don't feel anything. Just because I don't show my vulnerable side to other people, even the ones closest to me, doesn't mean I don't cry in my room, or feel frustrated or angry or sad or guilty or happy or excited and all those other emotions.
I'm neither violent nor aggressive, so even if I don't feel 'love' for my fellow human beings, I don't think I'm a psychopath or anything. I hope that's the same for you too. ^^
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