Post by you*hear*but*do*you*listen on Dec 20, 2010 17:03:42 GMT -5
What the bloody hell? I used to be able to field any questions about asexuality whatsoever and be utterly comfortable about it, no matter how invasive the questions got. But ever since I've been engaged, I've been ridiculously awkward about questions concerning what I'm okay with doing sexually because I'm inherently also talking about my fiancee, who is a fairly private person. And after that awkwardness, it's hard for me to get back into the swing of comfortably answering non-invasive questions.
I'm really at a loss for how to overcome this. And as somebody who's so into visibility, I really want to overcome this. Any suggestions?
"Anything can be a weapon if you're holding it right." --Ludo
Could it help if you openly responded to any invasive questions "I'm not comfortable answering those right now" or pre-emptively hit them with a statement like "does anyone have any general questions about asexuality?" Speaking for myself, I'm seriously not comfortable encouraging the assumption that anyone I'm not in a relationship with has any right to ask me whether I masturbate or what I'd be willing to do unless we're ALL sharing, so I tend to think of ways to pre-empt those questions before they come up.
Post by michaelsmoker on Dec 21, 2010 6:42:29 GMT -5
You are not a gorilla at the zoo, to be stared and pointed at. Your private information is not fair game just because you belong to a minority and want to raise its public profile. Questions about what aces in general do are okay, but prurient questions about what _you_ do are not. That's how I would approach things, because very often people who want to know about you specifically are just seeking to marginalize you further by treating you like a circus freak. So the best thing to do is bring the discussion back to what you know about aces as a population rather than satisfying people's gossipiness about you specifically. I wouldn't tell people my bank account number just because they asked; and for the same reason don't tell them about my personal asexuality unless relevance and context demand it.